You really coming over, don't trick.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
