Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
