It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
