:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
nutella sex= disaster
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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