The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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