I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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