Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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