if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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