You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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