Duck Duck Cougar?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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