Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
