Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
