its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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