You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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