just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
