Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
