omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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