So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
