Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
