is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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