the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
