Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
