You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
