Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
