why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Enjoy the penises
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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