R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
