I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
