If that was your dad, he is hot
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
