I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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