Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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