Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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