when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
