Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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