someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
