Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
