I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
