you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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