WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
only you would photoshop your dick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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