I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
