Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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