Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
