that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
