Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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