watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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