I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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