I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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