he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
