I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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