I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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