i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
