you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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