I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
