Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
