then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
