just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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